THE WARRIOR WOMAN PRECEDENT II: FINDABAIR: WHITE PHANTOM OR WOMAN WARRIOR? PART II: MEDB

"The Image of Irelande", depicting a cattle raid, by John Derrick, 1581

It is mere speculation to suggest that Guinevere was part Irish.  (Although many people are; I myself am 3/8 Irish and proud of it).  But we do know for certain that she lived in a culture where the Irish or Celtic woman warrior was a thriving commodity, or at least an acceptable female function.  So, it is more than barely possible that Guinevere’s warlike tendencies stemmed from a partly Irish birth and upbringing.

Warrior women were common throughout Celtic culture.  From the ancient Halstatt and La Téne Celtic burials on the Continent to the tribes of Gaul to the Irish, Manx, Scots, and Britons of the British Isles, the Celts shared many customs.  Fighting women is one such shared custom that Julius Caesar mentioned, describing in his Commentaries About the Gallic War – during which he fought Celts in both Britain and Gaul – the white arms of the Caledonian women.  Thanks to JC, we know that Celtic women fought beside their men in combat.

We also have a clue as to their appearances.  The Celts had complexions that appeared very pale to the swarthier Romans.  And sure enough, there are lots of names in the old tales containing the word “white”: Muirne of the White Neck, Isolde of the White Hands, Argentocoxos – White Foot – and Gwenhwyfar, the White Phantom.

A batch of honey-fruit
mead brewing

Not so, Medb.  Her name shares an origin with “mead”, an alcoholic brew of fermented honey and water.  It means something like “honey-sweet”.  The person who named her must have had a sense of humor.  Seriously.

And, speaking of people who like to ride roughshod over others…chariot burials.  There is a British burial at Wetwang, Yorkshire, where a woman of circa 300 BC was buried with her chariot.  We can only assume that she was both a royal and a warrior.  To this day, Boudicca remains the odds-on favorite female chariot warrior…and the most iconic.

But, Queen Medb of Connacht was a woman warrior, too.  It is easy to picture her on her two-wheeled chariot, her horses’ mouths frothing with foam, her mane of red-brown hair streaming behind her as she coursed into battle at the head of her troops, blood-mad Irish warriors all.  Medb was a woman who started a war for property, for pride…and for a prize stud bull.  Kind of like Guinevere…well, two out of three.

Golden Celtic Wheel with Symbols, Haute Marne

Like Guinevere, Medb didn’t have an easy early life, or married life either.  Nope, it wasn’t all champagne and roses in her honeymoon suite, Bub!  Her first marriage to Conchobar, son of Nessa and the druid Cathbad, was a rocky one.  Although she bore him a son, apparently Medb didn’t like him very much; she divorced him.

Conchobar took a second wife, Medb’s sister, who became pregnant by him.  Medb didn’t like that, so she killed her.  Her stepson-nephew, Furbaide, was born by posthumous caesarian section.  He grew up to kill his stepmother.

Medb also took lovers openly, which caused problems in even her last marriage, to Ailil, which seems to have been stronger than her earlier ones.  Celtic women were known to be outspoken and unashamed of their sexual freedoms.  When a visiting Roman Empress, Julia Domna – evidently an early Puritan – criticized the wantonness of the Caledonian women, the wife of the chieftain Argentocoxos answered, “We fulfill the demands of nature in a much better way than do you Roman women; for we consort openly with the best men, whereas you let yourselves be debauched in secret by the vilest.”

The Cattle Raid of Coolney ignited because Medb discovered that her husband, Ailil, was one stud bull richer than she.  If the equality of husband and wife had not been an accepted practice at the time, the war would never have gotten off the ground, for none of the young warriors would have fought for Medb on principal.

She determined to have a bull of equal or greater value than Ailil’s, so she bargained for one owned by a vassal of her ex-husband, Conchobar.  Medb offered land, wealth, and sexual favors for the bull.  Of course, he would not give, or even loan, it to his greedy ex.  Medb determined to have the bull despite him.  Thus began the Cattle Raid of Coolney, in which many men – and both bulls – lost their lives.

ON MEDB’S TEAM: a bunch of disgruntled, exiled Ulstermen.

ON CONCHOBAR’S SIDE: another bunch of Ulstermen who, in timely fashion, contract some weird, obscure disease called the “debility of nine days” which actually puts them out of commission for several months so they cannot fight.  Convenient, huh?

(Seriously, I have NO idea what that is.  Maybe it was some kind of medieval taboo.  Maybe, they meant to say “nine months”, instead of “nine days”.  Maybe the Ulstermen were pregnant.  Who the hell knows?  It’s over two thousand years ago.  Whataya want from me)?

ALSO ON CONCHOBAR’S SIDE: One – presumably snarky – teenage boy: the famous warrior, Cú Chulainn, who took up his countrymen’s slack by holding Medb’s army at the fords.

THE STAKES: A couple of stud bulls, a whole lotta lives, pride…and maybe revenge.  Possibly something about “a woman scorned”?  Just saying: If Medb wins this one, she gets even with her ex, AND she evens up the wealth score with her current husband.  Two birds with one stone, or I very much miss my guess.

THE CATCH: It may seem like the odds are stacked AGAINST Conchobar and his champion with the weird name.  They aren’t.  Because Cú Chulainn is the most ruthless Mo-Fo you’ve EVER heard of.

Taranis, Celtic God of Thunder,
With Wheel and Thunderbolt

He fights his foster father, Fergus, only agreeing to yield if Fergus surrenders to him in the next battle.  He fights and kills his son.  He fights and kills his brother and best friend, Ferdiad.  Pretty cold-blooded, huh?  Guess who’s gonna win this war?

Finally, the Ulstermen start to recover from their nine-day drunk…excuse me, illness.  They rally and return to the battlefield.  And start to beat Medb’s forces.

Cú Chulainn and his foster father meet again on the battlefield…and this time, it’s Fergus’ turn to yield.  So he does.  He pulls his forces off the field and totally blows the game for Connacht (Medb and Ailil).

She got the bull, though…for a while.  She somehow managed to steal it, but the theft bit her in the ass.  Ill-gotten gains and all that.  ‘Cause as soon as she got him home, the little bugger started a fight with Ailil’s bull, killed him, and was mortally wounded himself.  He didn’t last long.  This is where the phrase “bullshit” comes from.

Medb's Cairn at Knocknarea

Medb died violently.  (You think)?  Her stepson, Furbaide, had grown up knowing his dear Auntie Medb had murdered his mother.  He practiced hitting a stick figure Medb’s height from a distance with his slingshot.  Then, he waited until she was bathing naked – unarmed and vulnerable – and killed her with a piece of cheese.  (Yes, you heard me: A PIECE OF CHEESE.  Even I don’t understand the symbolism behind that one).

Medb was buried standing up…facing her ancient enemies across the line in Ulster.  Who said old warriors don’t die, they just fade away?  The Irish are warriors even in death.  Especially the women.